lines crossed

“Why is it, the bigger the line –The bigger the temptation to cross it?”
“We can help ourselves – we see a line – we want to cross it.
–maybe it’s the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar….
A sort of personal dare? – only problem is, once you’ve crossed it’s almost impossible to go back.” – Grey ( Grey’s Anatomy )

our endless, numbered days

"There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from the piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she let's them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone"

Passing Afternoon
-Iron & Wine -

 
 

caleb and a baby bunnie

 
 

whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Phil 4:8-9

trust & oneness

Trust is equal parts ~ faith and understanding

Achieving unity – oneness with ourselves, God, and with others, our loved ones, with our friends, and with the people in our lives. Is the highest, best, and most rewarding fruit of life. Most of us have tasted this fruit of true unity from time to time in the past, as we have tasted the bitter, lonely fruit of disunity- and we know how precious and fragile unity is.

A Bad Day?

Welcome each day as a gift from God.
Dr. Cliff Arnall, a British psychologist, has developed a formula to determine the worst day of the year. One factor is the time elapsed since Christmas, when the holiday glow has given way to the reality of credit-card bills. Gloomy winter weather, short days, and the failure to keep New Year's resolutions are also a part of Dr. Arnall's calculations. Last year, January 24 received the dubious distinction of being "the most depressing day of the year."

Even when circumstances hang a sign on our calendar saying "Bad Day!" the Creator enables us to thank Him for the gift of life and to receive each day with joy.

www.rbc.org
Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever. 2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me? 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes. 10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Don’t look back

in convo at LU – Dr. Caner spoke on how for some of us – the past is our prison
(Gen19 / Gen11:28)
His question was are you Lot or his wife?

Don’t look back – move on – learn

Lot – finally I can move on – ( “yes I have been caught up in things is shouldn’t” – like offering his virgin daughters to be raped) - but he took advantage of the opportunity to escape the situation.
His wife- pain/ past becomes your torment and temptation.
God gives us opportunities at any moment to change our ways and move away from the past. “Don’t be living with baggage- are you willing to let God use you in spite of your past? Don’t be a Hebrew slave –desire to be back in slavery, just cause of hard times.

This is, of course, just some of what he spoke about – but I didn’t remember it all –
But it definitely, was one of those messages that spoke to a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
I think for me – many many times ive been lot’s wife – thinking, Yes I can finally move of get away from my past – but then I keep looking back –and I allowing my past to affect my present and future… I’m not allowing God to do His work and change me for the better. – so if I don’t stop letting the past effect my now – it will be my ruin.

love and hide?

Why is it that we feel the need to hide or conceal things from the people we love the most, or the person or people we want to be the closest to?
It is because we fear losing them? Or fear disappointing them?
The reality is that if we were just honest to begin with – we would just be closer.

All I ever needed to know –I learned on Smallville.
Clark cant tell Lana he’s got super powers cause he’s afraid he may loose her; but
if he doesn’t he’ll loose her when she finds out.

Currently watching:
Smallville - The Complete First Four Seasons
Release date: By 13 September, 2005


Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. - Romans 12:9-16

CHEESIE Gals

 
 

Some quotes I like:

"tribulation worketh patience" (Romans 5:3), and "our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory"
(II Corinthians 4:17).

"No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied with God first." ~Oswald Chambers


"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world" ~C.S. Lewis

“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of Change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.”
~Marilyn Ferguson. (The 7 habits of Highly Effective People)

Lee-Jackson Day

WHEREAS, Generals Robert E. Lee and Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson are native Virginians who served our great nation and Commonwealth as faithful citizens and as beloved leaders and pioneers in the areas of education and military strategy; and
WHEREAS, Lee served in the United States Army for more than three decades until he resigned from his post to become Commander in Chief of Virginia's military forces and Commander of the Army of Northern Virginia at the outbreak of the American Civil War; and

WHEREAS, Jackson served with distinction in the United States Army from 1846-1851 following his graduation from West Point before leaving to teach philosophy and military tactics as a professor at the Virginia Military Institute in Lexington for nearly a decade, after which he, too, joined the Confederate Army to fight for his native Virginia in the Civil War; and

WHEREAS, Lee dedicated his life after the Civil War to reforming higher education in the South by serving as President of Washington College, now Washington & Lee University, in Lexington, Virginia, and he greatly increased the school's funding and expanded the curriculum to create an atmosphere conducive to learning for young men of both Southern and Northern heritage; and

WHEREAS, Jackson exemplified leadership and bravery while guiding his troops to several improbable victories against superior opposition forces, and Jackson's inspired "Stonewall Brigade" fought alongside General Lee's troops toward yet another victory even after their leader was fatally wounded on the second day of the Battle of Chancellorsville; and

WHEREAS, it is fitting to recognize Generals Lee and Jackson as among our nation's most notable military strategists, as beloved leaders among their troops, as pioneers in the field of higher education and as faithful and dedicated Virginians;

NOW, THEREFORE , I, Mark R. Warner, do hereby recognize January 16, 2004 , as LEE-JACKSON DAY in the COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA , and I call this observance to the attention of all our citizens.

http://www.governor.virginia.gov/Press_Policy/Proclamations/2004

not in control

Life it’s so strange…. I’m so so glad to know I’m not the one in control.
& that I believe in Something Greater than me—and this ugly, yet sometimes strangely delightful world. -- GOD.
At church we have been watching a series on the Song of Solomon by Tommy Nelson.
It’s a really awesome study – & interesting and fun to boot! I just wish I’d heard this stuff years ago. I’m sure I’d be better off ( I’d like to think so) – but then again –I’m only human – so maybe not.
There in the Bible is a picture of how a relationship should be; yet Solomon himself, who has been called “the wisest man who ever lived” – later in life had numerous wives. –Only proving that we all are created weak willed & the best of us humans are not up to par – we do need God.
http://www.tommynelsononline.com/AboutOverview.asp?

Listening to Afterglow by Sarah McLachlan

am I ?

pugnacious \puhg-NAY-shuhs\, adjective:
Inclined to fight; combative; quarrelsome.

I dunno --My husband would say so at times.
I would say that at times i do enjoy a good heated conversation or debate.

A Zest for Life

My daughter Jadyn (2 years old) is quiet, has a long attention span and can keep herself entertained with toys and books for long periods of time. She has always been a very easy child. But I never knew children could be so delightful because my 1st born, Caleb, is quite the opposite.
Caleb is now four-years-old. Since he was born, my life and opinions on life and on children have been forever changed.
The typical day with Caleb is full of ups and downs, that never seems to stop; that is, until he finally falls asleep.
Sometimes, he can be such a handful and more! He can run and run and talk and talk, yet never seems to slow down.
Some days he doesn’t listen to me, or anyone else in authority, at all. He will do anything for attention- good or bad. & he always wants his way. He is very, very “hard-headed” and strong willed.
Despite this I see so much potential in him.
Like on a recent trip to a Dr’s office.While sitting in the waiting room, Caleb convinced an 8-year-old girl to let him use her Leap Pad, while he demonstrated how to use it.. He got a middle-aged man with poor eye- sight read him a fishing magazine, and after trying to get an elderly lady's attention by hitting her shoulder, told her, "You have hairy legs - just like my daddy!"
As I watch Caleb, I think about his future with his excitement for life, his willingness to accept everyone and his high energy level.
I wonder what might happen if I focus on the positives of his personality and energy - rather than try to squelch them. Where he will go and what he will become? And then I wonder how I can be more like him.
My prayer:
Dear God, use the qualities you have given my child to help them reach their greatest potential.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm!
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

to be uninvolved

Just before Christmas somewhere on the highway I drove past a cat.The cat was settled on the bank, not 10 feet from the highway, watchingthe traffic. During the last few weeks I have, on occasion, longed tobe that cat, fascinated by speeding objects, but totally uninvolved. Sometimes I think it would be so great to just observe others in life; and not have to make my own mistakes and endure pain,but then I’d miss out on all the great things in life… so oh well back to LIFE!

Humble Me

"Went out on a limb
Gone too far
I broke down at the side of the road
Stranded at the outskirts and sun's creepin' up

Baby's in the backseat
Still fast asleep
Dreamin' of better days
I don't want to call you but you're all I have to turn to

What do you say
when it's all gone away ?
baby I didn't mean to hurt you
truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
no matter how hard you resist it
it never rains when you want it to....

You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please __ forgive me"

Norah Jones

Hair

 

Today i got my hair cut and colored. I just got some red highlights.
I really like it. 

thinking

 


“Who wants a superficial friendship?” – scrubs

Once you have had something deeper, better
– it just doesn’t seem worth keeping when it’s so shallow and fake. 

Smile Bright

 

CALEB had his 1st Dentist appointment today! He did very well 

Just a January day

I have been spending hours trying to remove the old wallpaper from my dining room..

It feels like a waste of time… but it has to be finished- or it’s ugly walls forever

So on I work…. I think I’m going to order some EZ Off +

http://www.ezoffplus.com/


Also I’m supposed to get my hair cut and colored tomorrow!

I’d really like to something fresh and fun- maybe a little wild!

I would be excited!

But Don is not too happy about it.. so I might have to stay conservative.

Hair

 
 

Fallen

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
-Sarah McLachlan

“Sex makes people crazy” – Simon Birch (movie)

For the Girls:

Ever feel inadequate as a woman? - I know I do
So here is some stuff from a good book on the subject:
Most originally posted by: http://www.xanga.com/GodsangelGrl46

Captivating : Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
By John Eldredge, Stasi Eldredge

“There has been precious little wisdom offered on the path to becoming a woman. Oh, we know the expectations that have been laid upon us as by our families, our churches, and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But is not the same thing as knowing what the journey toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal really should be.”
Is that supposed to be godly--that sense that you are a failure as a woman?
UNSEEN, UNSOUGHT, AND UNCERTAIN
I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've met feels it--something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too-opinionated, too messy. The result is shame, the universal companion of a women. It haunts us. nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
After all. if we were better women--whatever that means---life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought--that no one has the passion or courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain---uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us---whether from a driven culture or a driven church---is try harder.
And in all the exhortations we have missed the most important thing of all. We have missed the heart of a woman.”
(GOD Is the one who completes who we are – we are nothing with out HIM)
“Wow--that is amazing isn't it? God is wooing us to Him--not by standards or expectations set out by our cultures or churches but because He loves us and calls us His own--His Beloved--We are God's princesses! Simply amazing” –Anna Jacobsen
"We as women should be captivated by His love, Beauty, and Grace."
God draws us more unto HIm--not by good works or such--but by HIS Grace & Love; because HE longs for my Heart. – that’s amazing.

Currently Reading
Captivating : Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
By John Eldredge, Stasi Eldredge

From Proverbs 16

Proverbs 16
2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.
4 The LORD works out everything for his own ends—
even the wicked for a day of disaster.
7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
8 Better a little with righteousness
than much gain with injustice.
9 In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
25 There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.
32 Better a patient man than a warrior,
a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
33 The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD.

new year

Things are looking up here. And I can truly say this is a new year- with a brighter future. I do always like a freah new start... or at least the idea of it.
I'm not big on taking stuff from TV but,
a little quote i heard on TV tonght seemed sorta relevant to me, it was somthing like this:
"When there is nothing else to do - Forgive and Love."

"Except you my love. Except you my love...

Come all ye lost
Dive into moss
And hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love
In paper mache

Come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving real hard
This is love, this is porn
God will forgive me
But I, I whip myself in scorn, scorn

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember December
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?"
- I remember - DR


Luke 7:47
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much.
But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

the real me...with screaming kids in the back seat

 
 

Another Day, Another Year

My little New year celebration was fun… we had a bunch of friends over and played games, got a little crazy and had a mini fireworks display at midnight… but now I’m tired.

Well its another year gone and a new one is upon us.
I’m not real big with resolutions, but i do like to reflect a bit on the past year. I want to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them; move on and grow. I think this past year has taught me to hold close and have a greater appreciation for the ones I love and hold dear. I want this year to 1. put God 1st in my life, 2. be the best support for my husband and 3. spend as much quality time with my kids and Don as possible. At the end of the year, I want to look back to see that I am closer to God, my little family, my extended family and friends. To me,(& I think to God) people are the most important thing in life; so investing more time and energy in them can’t be a bad idea.



"Kiss slowly, love deeply, and forgive quickly. Life's too short to be anything but happy.
Take chances, give everything, have no regrets. Forget the past, but not what it's taught you."

If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they are supposed to be there.

Fireworks

 
New Year celebration 2006