Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

-CASTING CROWNS LYRICS

Karma or just deserves?

I personally don’t really believe in Karma. Karma is just for those of us who don’t want to admit there is a God who is in control of everything. Or maybe it’s just an excuse for those who don’t want to accept or face that we all get what we deserve.

Excerpts from Grey’s Anatomy:

George, “Ok so sometimes even though the best of us make rash decisions, bad decisions, decisions we pretty much know we are going to regret, the moment, the minute it happens… We know we put ourselves out there, Still something inside us decides to do a crazy thing. A thing we know will probably turn around and bit us in the A**, Yup we do it anyway.”
“What I’m trying to say is, we reap what we sow- what goes around, comes around.”
It’s karma and anyways you slice it – Karma sucks. Like I said pay back’s a bitch.

Grey- “ Can we please just go back to everything the way it was?”

George- “ I don’t know how to go back.” No, we are done.”

“One way or another our karma will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us. One way or another our karma will always find us. No matter how hard we try, we can’t escape it.. It’s not unfair or unexpected – but even what we are about to do something to temp karma to bite us in the A** - well it goes without saying – we do it anyway.”

who is important?

Some days, I just want to move away from here. When I start to feel uncomfortable –I do like to escape but more than that I want to be where I know I am loved.; where I have a people who really support me and can help me raise my kids. I really do not like change, but it seems it’s inevitable. It would be worth it to be around the people that I know care about me and my kids. I miss my dad and sisters and brothers. I just want to be a real part of their lives.
I know that the friends we have here mean the world to Don. He likes to stay in his comfort zone. Life just doesn’t seem to stay the happy- go- lucky way that we like it. I don’t expect life it be easy – it never is. And that is my point. I need more than just one person to rely on- maybe I am saying I am needy. I don’t know but in the end I think that I know what is important and that is family and friends who don’t waiver – friends who stay strong and tight no matter which way the wind blows.

wouldn't trade them for gold

My old friend – tim Mcgraw
My old friend, I recall
The times we had hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
Somehow sanctify me
Their woven in the stories I have told
And tell again

My old friend, I apologize
For the years that have passed
Since the last time you and I
Dusted off those memories
But the running and the races
The people and the places
There's always somewhere else I had to be
Time gets slim, my old friend

Don't know why, don't know why
Don't know why, don't know why

My old friend, this song's for you
Cause a few a few simple verses
Was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you were here
Cause the love and the laughter
Will live long after
All of the sadness and the tears
We'll meet again, my old friend

Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye

My old friend, my old friend
Goodbye, goodbye
- Tim McGraw

I've tried to run, I've tried to hide

"In my home town
For anyone who sticks around
You're either lost or you're found
There's not much in between
In my home town
Everything's still black and white
It's a long, long way from wrong to right
From Sunday morning to Saturday night

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus

My whole life
I've tried to run, I've tried to hide
From the stained glass windows in my mind
Refusing to let God's light shine
Down on me
Down on me

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
There's not much space between us
Drugs or Jesus

Everybody wants acceptance
We all just want some proof
Everyone's just looking for the truth

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus"
- Tim McGraw

1983

I was only 3 in 1983 -- but hey this is a great song -
and i like to be nostalgic about the 80's and my childhood!

"I’ve these dreams I’m
Walking home
Home when it used to be
And everything is
As it was
Frozen in front of me

Here I stand
6 feet small
romanticizing years ago
it’s a bitter sweet feeling hearing “Wrapped Around Your Finger” on the
radio

and these days
I wish I was 6 again
Oh make me a red cape
I wanna be Superman

Oh, if only my life was more like
1983
all these things would be more like they were at the
start of me

had it made in 83

thinking bout my brother Ben
I miss him every day
He looks just like his brother John
But on an 18 month delay

Here I stand
6 feet small
and smiling cause I’m scared as hell
kind of like my life is like a sequel to a movie
where the actor’s names have changed
oh well

well these days
I wish I was 6 again
Oh make me a red cape
I wanna be Superman

Oh, if only my life was more like
1983
all these things would be more like they were at the
start of me
If my life was more like
1983
I’d plot a course to the source of the purest little part of me

and most my memories
have escaped me
or confused themselves with dreams
if heaven’s all we want it to be
send your prayers to me
care of 1983

you can paint that house a rainbow of colors
rip out the floorboards
replace the shutters but
that’s my plastic in the dirt

whatever happened to my
whatever happened to my
whatever happened to my lunchbox
when came the day that it got
thrown away and don’t you think I should have had some say
in that decision"
-John Mayer

it's the girls

  

mommy, I found a match!

  

people, pain + trust

"There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when i tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I dont want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left."
-Bishop T.D. Jake

"Truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to decide who is worth the pain. So when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place."

"Never wait until its to late to realize how much you love somebody, because then it's too late"

~ Trust takes years to build and seconds to lose

~"Sometimes you need to forget what you feel & remember what you deserve...."

we come into each others lives for a reason.. and we also leave for a reason....
we make mistakes and learn from them and life goes on.... but let life go on... dont try to put it on hold because you dont want things to change, thats impossible... take the good w/ the bad, smile when your sad, love what you got and remember what you had (but dont stop loving what you HAD... because it was real, and it always will be)

"If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

Oklahoma Sunsets

  

Oklahoma skys

  

pretty

  

missing home

I have come to realize it's what it comes down to, I miss the things that made me comfortable. The things that defined me. I miss route 66 and the rides to rodeos on it. I miss the boys in Cowboy hats and boots. I miss dusty summer evenings when the sun is setting with glorious colors created by the hot dusty atmosphere. I miss Guacamole the way the Tex-Mex restaurant I worked at made it. I miss white queso almost as equally as dancing in the kitchen. I miss dancing in the kitchen as much as playing ball all the way from Feb-Oct, I miss Tulsa/Bixby as much as I miss my family. I miss the pond in front of my house and the sounds of bull frogs, crickets and locus on a sweltery summer night. Gosh. I am romanticizing the actual action of missing something. Either way it is a cycle, and I suppose if I must miss a lot of things to keep me romantic on a certain level, then I must always miss something, it keeps the soul stirred. Not shaken.

love

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

“Love is a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.”

“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” – Charles Dickenson

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than bread.” – Mother Teresa

Love doesn’t make the world go’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."

"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

wreck of the day

"Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cuz love doesn’t hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love"

life's like an hourglass

"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe.

~~"Breathe (2 AM)" ANNA NALICK LYRICS

I Don't

I think this must be how she feels about me:

"You say you're doin' better
For your sake I hope it's true
I wish you well
But that's all that I can do
Save your "I'm sorry's"
Just leave 'em out the door
You can't make me feel guilty anymore

You say I should stay with you
That Jesus forgives you
You pray I will, but I won't
The difference is
Jesus loves you, I don't

I know it sounds cruel
And it's really not like me, but
You've put me in a place
I never thought I'd be
These tears I'm crying
Are just tears of goodbye
I hope you find someone else
Somewhere in your life

You say I should stay with you
That Jesus forgives you
You pray I will, but I won't
The difference is
Jesus loves you, I don't

I don't wanna know you still want me
Don't need to hear you can't sleep
No I don't, no I don't

You say I should stay with you
That Jesus forgives you
You pray I will, but I won't
The difference is
Jesus loves you, Oh I know
Jesus loves you, I don't"

-Song by Danielle Pack

1st snow of 2006

 
 

familiar air

Tonight we had the regular old group over for spaghetti, survivor, and ping pong.
(ryan, stoner, tommy, barrett, steve and his girl) It was sort of a breath of fresh yet familiar air. Cause lately we have been having a lot of people over and it can be a little overwhelming at times. It was nice 2 just relax with old pals.
– I finally got to be around Steve’s new fiancé- Liz. She seems like a pleasant person to be around. I hope that she will be able to accept and grow to love steve for who he is—and he toward her as well. Their wedding is on march 4th. – I am happy for them both.

I Keep Looking

unfortunalty this has been my theme song for most of my life.
I'm trying to move past this -- I think its workin'
I'm satisfied with what i have in the LORD!

"Back when I was young
Couldn't wait to grow up
Get away and get out on my own
And looking back now
Ain't it funny how
I've been trying to get back home, yeah

When my low self esteem
Needs a man loving me
And I find me a perfect catch
Then I see my friends
Having wild weekends
Then I don't wanna get quite so attached
Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Good is good but could be better

I keep looking, I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking
Looking for something more

Well, the straight haired girls
They all want curls
And the brunettes wanna be blonde
It's your typical thing
You got ying you want yang
It just goes on and on
They say, hey, it's only human
To never be satisfied
Well I guess that I'm as human as the next one

Oh, I keep looking
I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
Yeah, I keep looking
Looking for something more

Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Hey, good is good but could be better

I keep looking
I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking
Looking for something more
Oh, looking for something more"

-sara evans

me a mom?

Some days I’m thinking – why am I a mother – what was GOD thinking!!– I am not naturally cut out to do this job. I love my kids so much – but I am so frustrated with them and do not know how to deal with them. I generally excel in most things I do—but this is not one of them. OH well, i suppose God places us in situations to force us to grow.

What hurts the most

Words for friends to a friend- I miss you both.

“I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do”

wait

"Under a blackened sky
Far beyond the glaring streetlights
Sleeping on empty dreams
The vultures lie in wait
You lay down beside me then
You were with me every waking hour
So close I could feel your breath

When all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold that precious little thing
Like every generation yields
The new born hope unjaded by their years

Pressed up against the glass
I found myself wanting sympathy
But to be consumed again
Oh I know would be the death of me
And there is a love that’s inherently given
A kind of blindness offered to appease
And in that light of forbidden joy
Oh I know I won’t receive it

When all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold that precious little thing
Like every generation yields
The newborn hope unjaded by their years

You know if I leave you now
It doesn’t mean that I love you any less
It’s just the state I’m in
I can’t be good to anyone else like this

When all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold that precious little thing
Like every generation yields
The new born hope unjaded by their years..."

Full of Grace

"The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love"

“When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind -Forever
I feel as empty as a drum”
- I don’t know why ( Norah Jones)

"Without memory there is no healing. Without forgiveness there is no future."
~ Desmond Tutu

"Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all." ~ 2Corinthians 4:17

"trying"

Could you let down your hair
And be transparent for a while
Just a little while
See if your human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
And god I pretend like I do just
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art for today
I'd I quote all the line off the top of my head
And you'd be
I dont understand all of these things I've read
Im just trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how

Well I havent drawn it or figured out quite yet
But even if it takes my whole life
To get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you
I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Oh, I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
-lifehouse

Mad Girl's Love Song

By Sylvia Plath

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Learning to let go...

Letting go and letting God is not easy....

Why do I think I can fix and control my life (and even others at times)?

I’m trying so hard to let God deal with issues in my life.
I think I need to deal with things – to know that I can somehow “fix” things.
I want to be pro-active. It’s my personality.
When I mess up, I want to clean up.

I have to convince myself that –I am not the one in control- when my world is beyond my grasp – I have to let it be in God’s hands and know that He will not put me though more than I can handle. Hard times are eminent, but I will grow to be a stronger and better person for it.

I have to remember God is in control –even when I mess up – His Will- will prevail.
Only He can “ fix” things- there is really nothing I can do.
Only to do what is right and trust and lean on Him.

“His mercies fail not they are new every morning great is thy faithfulness.”

Rosy Cheeks

 

Poor baby, she's had a cold and now has red, chapped cheeks 

Candy Land!!!

 
 

philosophy from a friend

1st to set the stage: "It is not summer and the grapevines are in slumber. So the illegal Thai workers are spreading the manure to make sure they grow into sturdy vines for an even more robust flabor. I like to roll my windows down in winter time and turn the heat up. Then I like to drive myself like a racecar driver into my Israeli nights. Last night, I wiffed the freshest poo floating through the air. I quickly rolled my windows up and thought: "Oh how I love wine, particularly red wine. I could drink a bottle every night!! But this smell!! How atrocious!"

"I began to philosophize. In order for wine to exist it must come from nutritious soil, and sometimes, to achieve such robust grapes, it must first grow out of shit. I smiled to myself and thought: "I am growing from poo poo." "Life has poo poo'd all over me and I am gonna be a great vine"... "Poop smells so bad, but can help you grow into something good." ....- Susi D.

My New Internship Work