me being down…

I am pretty pathetic when it comes to getting little mundane things accomplished.… it’s my only responsibilities -- & yet I don’t do a good job at it.. I guess it’s because I feel like mothering, being a maid, laundry girl, food fixer etc, the basic all- around housewife – is not very important … But of course it’s important ..
but when people ask me what I did all day …
I basically have nothing to say… ( it can be embarrassing) because reading to the kids & putting clean trash bags in the cans doesn’t sound very important..
A priority Yes, - important NO ( if it went un-done- would it be noticed?

maybe, maybe not)… it’s almost like when I had school or if I had a job I place more energy or importance on the mundane tasks of the day..
I get them done faster and more efficiently. Maybe I am not very motivated –because the rewards are few & far between.


OH well… I know it is the Wrong perspective on things. But it’s the mindset I have had since I was a child.. while my mother raised me to be a great housewife…
I always knew she was a Nurse – who went through a lot of schooling to get there.. & I didn’t see that what she was doing at home was all that important…
but I am grateful she was at home.
I am daily trying to convince myself that while what I do here
( my job as a mother & housewife) might not seem important to anyone else
to God & my kids-- it is –can only HOPE it matters in the big picture.
Yet, I feel that because my house is not immaculate, Dinner always made,
& the kids super smart – that I am a failure..
I am not a perfectionist .. but when I do a job – I do it well.. or want to.
I am the oldest.. & that alone makes me want to do things right
and to the best of my abilities. This is one job I will never excel in.
I can try … but I just wasn’t cut out for it… it’s a struggle.

i Really don't need encouragement.. there are times when my attitude is totally different.. & I'm Happy to be a stay-at -home mom...

On another note

Pregnancy always brings the craziest dreams… vivid ones… when normally I don’t even remember my dreams… SO this morning before I woke up I had a horrible dream about a kitten – have you ever seen that TV or E-mail video about how to clean a Dirty cat – in a Toilet bowl? ( you flush it) ? Well I dreamed that a kitten – looking like Jadyn’s was dirty in a house.. so to clean it -I flushed it –thinking it would come right back up .. wet – but clean… instead it never came up and in a panic I started plunging the bowl… having all sorts of things come up socks, trash, etc.. but NO kitten—then finally it did come up soaked and dead. It was awful…