Thursday, March 30, 2006

my babies

  Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Creature Comforts, or We Are Social Animals

this is from my friend Sarah N.


Creature Comforts, or We Are Social Animals

"Sometimes I think that we are a species that was meant to sleep together in numbers, in big piles, where people are just lying like lions or chimpanzees or puppies. And maybe that's the way it used to be. We slept together for communion, for warmth, for protection. But with the advent of our little separated units in our domiciles, with our individual rooms and our individual beds, our locked doors and our blankets, we have removed all necessity for that behaviour and as a result, we have forcibly removed ourselves from this habit.

I guess I'm not endorsing that families sleep in big piles: I saw that once on Trading Spouses and I thought it was weird. Seven people in a family had piled all into one room, and they walked around with no shoes on during the day. I guess I thought it was a bit too hippy-commune for me.

But I find it interesting how much we rely on affection from people, and if we don't get it, how damaging it can be to our lives. Babies, for example. They absolutely need affection from their parents. If they don't get it, it invariably warps their mind in some sinister fashion and they have to suffer the consequences in one way or another for the rest of their lives. Serial killers and psycopaths are made this way.

But as we get older, we are weened from this contact in an attempt to make us independent from our families. We are asked to drop our childish reliance on human contact and told to learn to sleep in our beds alone and not to talk to strangers. And for good reason, there are a lot of creepazoids out there, who are probably suffering on some Freudian level of not being held by their mothers as children.

Part of the problem is that we have let our culture has become so obsessed with sex that any sort of human contact after like age 12 may be construed as sexual or abusive. As a result we are told to keep our hands to ourselves and be careful who we hug.

I think it's counterintuitive to be this way because it seems we really never lose the desire for affection or a human touch. Instead we are just schooled to forget our reliance on it. It is a cover up, a mere bandage over a huge festering wound of denial that we are no longer animals. Why do we fancy that we aren't, but rather a higher, more elevated creature?

The fact is that we'll never truly be able to rid ourselves of this animal instinct. So we'll keep on denying the majority of our lives, and relegating this closeness to aminimal facet of our lives.

I think in order to live a sane life, we have to have certain amounts of human contact. I can't explain why hugs feel so great, but I always feel so much more whole when I get a genuine hug, or even an arm around my shoulder.

And despite sleeping alone every night and dodging people carefully on the subway so my body does not come into contact with theirs, I feel myself grasping for human contact in other aspects of my life. I don't know for sure but maybe it's my biological clock kicking in these days. Maybe I'm supposed to be having children soon. They're clingy and needy.

I'm sure that having children would satisfy any sort of primal need for human contact. They're to be produced in and fed from my body, which is the most ordinary but also the most bizarre concept I can possibly imagine.

I suppose some little ancient urge in my bloodstream, some little bit of primitive information in every one of my cells is slowly twisting my mind in the direction of motherhood. I'm not trying to deny it, but I still don't feel like I'm ready to have children."

Monday, March 27, 2006

Always Be My Home

Your heart will always be my home
No matter where I go
No matter what may come
You'll be my shelter in the storm
A harbor safe and sound
Where only true forgiveness can be found

But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes


And I can't live without Your love
Cause Your eyes have seen beyond
The things I'm guilty of
I won't be afraid
To turn back down the road
Cause Your heart will always be my home

And when I've cried a thousand tears
You've always wiped them dry
And watch me as I spread my wings and fly
To a place
Where holiness begins
And mercy never ends
And I will find my freedom once again

But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes

Your hands are always open
To catch me when I fall
I feel a million miles away
But thats no distance at all

Oh, But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes
--Rachel Lampa Lyrics

Sunday, March 26, 2006

even the small things...

A lot has happened in my personal life this weekend – more than I can really get into. But I can say that I feel like a huge bolder has been lifted from my shoulders. I hate that I base so much of life on my feelings –but I do feel better. So my perspective on things is different.

Although, I cannot allow myself to have too much hope for change.
- for fear of disappointment.
But for now I have a positive outlook – more so than I have in what seems like a long time. Although it’s only been a moment in eternity, it’s amazing to me how even small things and issues in life can have such a profound impact on life.
Every little thing that happens in life is like a set of dominos- effecting everyone and everything in and around your life.
even the small things make a huge difference

"The way of a superior man is three-fold: Virtuous, he is free from anxieties; wise, he is free from perplexities; bold, he is free from fear." (Confucius)

Mathew 18:18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Lessons learned + needless hurting hearts

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for everytime,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I shouldn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some roads,
That I wish I could have one more chance to make,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

Somewhere along in the bitterness

"Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came "

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

" Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
It's all part of the plan
When something is broken
and you try to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway you can

I dive in at the deep end
and you become my best friend
I want to love you but I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
and I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway I can"

-cold play lyrics

Friday, March 17, 2006

dealing with rejection

a message on rejection & steps to overcoming the spirit of rejection:
1. Realize that rejection is a part of life & accept the fact that you will experience it & nothing uncommon has happened to you- it happens to everyone- don't feel sorry for yourself.
2. Don't try to force relationships. If someone is not interested in being your friend, or even rejects your witness for Jesus, move on.
3. Don't try to do or be something you can't or aren't just to be accepted.
4. Always take the road of humility. Remember, most rejection is self-inflicted. Don't exalt yourself. The spirit of rejection is a product of pride in the heart.
5. Take on the attitude of a servant, which you are commanded to do, then you will be protected from the spirit of rejection from man.
6. Never meditate on a suffered wrong- forgive all wrongs and offenses- or you will poison your own heart with bitterness. 1 Cor 13

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Who is really on your side?

Life is change and I am changing.
My heart is heavy. It feels like a million lbs. inside my chest. I don't know where I am, as I've lost myself in this mental challenge. A mental challange that is a matter of the heart and soul.
I've caught myself losing my train of thought, absent-mindedly performing duties. I’m in a mental cloud.
I have so much love in my heart & the best of intentions in everything I do.
The saying, "You could f* up a trainwreck," comes to mind. Even w/ my best of intentions
I don't roll w/ life's punches as effectively as I must learn to do. I crumble in the challenge- I am overwhelmed. My mind and heart goes, "Not another change!"
I Just hope that one day I will be stronger for it.

- here is a song for me:

"Did it make you stop and think
You're on the brink
And not to test you 'cause you
Don't know how far you'd go
Did you make a big mistake
You curse your fate
And you wish you could leave this life
For just one day

Welcome to the goodtimes honey
Did you bring your own parade?
Welcome to the big time baby
Time for a serenade

Did you say you lost your pride?
You tried to hide
But you're not strong enough
To ever get away

And it only goes to show
What we all know
That the tables will surely turn
For you one day

It should come as no surprise
Just realize, that when it all comes down
Who is really on your side"

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

wounds, friendship and healing

Quotes from Grey’s Anatomy:

“He gave his all for a passion.”
“He cut off his own finger! – a finger that would have healed perfectly…”
“Sometimes you can’t wait – you just want the pain to stop- so you cut it off- the problem- the pain.”
- “That doesn’t end the pain. No, I mean if it that painful to start with then – even when you cut it off there’s always going to be that phantom pain.”

“George, I am truly, very deeply, sorry and I am not going to make excuses – I am just sorry.” “Look, I know you are going to get off this elevator and walk away and not look back… but George, we’re friends. – Real friends and that means no matter how long it takes when you finally do decide to look back – I’ll still be here.”

“…as human beings we all try to do the best we can. – but the world is full of unexpected twists and turns and just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land – the ground underneath you shifts and knocks you off your feet.”

“If you are lucky you end up with nothing more than a flesh wound. Something a Band-Aid will cover. “But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix.” “With some wounds you have to rip off the Band-Aid and breath and give them time to heal.”

which tree are you?

"This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, on the salty flats where no one lives."
"But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit." Jeremiah 17:5-8 (New Living Translation)

Monday, March 13, 2006


Advice for being a parent, spouse and a friend:

Love unconditionally, but don't cave in. The results may not be immediate, but they will come. And you won't regret the extra effort.

hold me close

more camping fun Posted by Picasa

Monday, March 06, 2006

Search me

“Search me, know me
Try me and see
Every worthless affection hidden in me
All I’m asking for is that You’d cleanse me, Lord

Create in me a heart that’s clean
Conquer the power of secret shame
Come wash away the guilty stain of all my sin

Clothe me in robes of righteousness
Cover my nakedness with grace
All of my life before You now I humbly bring”

-Be Glorified & Honored in and through my life.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

For My Don

Baby, Ive got you "
I've had big dreams come true and I believe in
Angels although I can't see them
They're watching everything I do
Ain't no easy street around the bend on my road
No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
But I don't mind cause baby I got you

The rain kees the flowers from dyin'
The sun lights the world when its shinin'
The midnight sky has a blanket of start and a moon
And baby I got you

I can't imagine one day without you in it
Life alone just wouldn't be worth livin'
Love would be a wish that never came true
Lord knows I've got more than I deserve
Bt I don't question the prayer that I've had ansered
I did something right cause
Baby I got you"
-Craig Morgan lyrics

Ain't The Way I Wanna Go Out

"Ol' Jimmy, a real hard worker, loadin' trucks at the Feed and Save.
Well-liked, a really nice fella: that's why it's hard to believe.
One day, two counties over, he got caught with another man's wife.
Shots fired, smoke cleared: her husband took Jimmy's life.
In an instant, all the good stuff he'd ever done was all gone.
Now everybody just remembers the one thing that he did wrong.

You can have it all an' in the twinklin' of an eye,
It can all turn around.
If I live to roam this earth another hundred years,
Without 20 seconds from right now,
That ain't the way that I wanna go out.

Rob Jenkins, sittin' on the back pew: head bowed an' his eyes closed.
Preacher talkin' 'bout gettin' to Heaven, said: "Brother would you like to go?"
White knuckles holdin' his Hymnal, while the choir sang Amazing Grace.
He stands up, full of conviction: turns 'round an' runs out of that place.
Off in his truck, says to himself: "Next Sunday, I'm a-gonna get saved."
Runs a red light, hit broadside an' next Sunday is way too late.

You can have it all an' in the twinklin' of an eye,
It can all turn around.
If I live to roam this earth another hundred years,
Without 20 seconds from right now,
That ain't the way that I wanna go out.

I'm gonna do right, an' make sure I ask forgiveness before I go:
I'm gonna take time, 'cause it's a fine line,
Between here an' "You never know."

You can have it all an' in the twinklin' of an eye,
It can all turn around.
If I live to roam this earth another hundred years,
Without 20 seconds from right now,
That ain't the way that I wanna go out.
That ain't the way that I wanna go out.
No I don't wanna go out."
- Craig Morgan lyrics
from: My Kind of Livin
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.