Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Thanksgiving break was nice. The weekend was a blast.
it was a wonderful time to get away from the daily stress/pressure of work, bills, kids, etc…
don and I really get along so well without the distractions of mundane life.
we didn’t do much –just went with friends to the beach in NC. The weather was nice.
it was an escape! but it's over-now back to reality


the last couple of days have been tough ones.
while having friends can be the best thing in the world; maintaining a good friendship can be the hardest. I guess that's true of most things on earth.

I am swamped with school work. i definitly appreciate the chance to be in school.
i'm not sure i would if i did not have children. kids really make ya see things from a different perspective.

In life there are times when you wish you could go back. undo a decision a choice.
we all know that's not a possiblility - but still the thought is there.

I feel like a death has occurred. yet it is harder than a death because i still see and know. the senses are still there.
hurting someone you greatly care about is the worst feeling.

one time a wise person said that loving someone meant caring about them so much that even if they did something terribly, horribley aweful it wouldnt change your love for them. I guess that's true unconditional love.

maybe that is something only God is really capable of.
some say "Unconditional love is a myth. That is because humans are naturally self-biased and the human heart is so deceitful that one can fool himself into thinking that he is loving unconditionally, when in fact he has all kinds of conditions."

Monday, November 21, 2005

life is fragile

since i broke my arm --
I really see how fragile life is-- I can see myself dying- it's not so far for any of us...
just a breath.. a heart beat away...
Our lives are really in the balance-- like walking a tight string-- that is in God's hands.
HE has control... we have none
it's so easy to think we make decisions and choices --
the feeling of being invincible is easy to have while young.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

grow in fear?

just some stuff from Sunday school
It’s always a battle of flesh vs. Spirit
-in our earthly mind we can justify anything…
The double minded man is unstable in all his ways
Our hearts are divided –I want to control my life.
Who is on the throne? – put God in the driver’s seat.

We should grow in fear (love, respect) for GOD
Fearing God is the entry level relationship with God.
we need:
- Pray, Ps. 86:11
- scripture, Ps34:11, Prov 2:1-5
- teaching, Duet 4:9-10
- expect His forgiveness, Ps 130:3-4,103:8-18
- Gaze at the beauty of God, Ps27:4

if we grown in fear – reverence for God
then I will have wisdom, I will worship, service, confidence, hate evil, love holiness- do things God’s way.

Monday, November 14, 2005

mazda zoomzoom Posted by Picasa

Sunday, November 13, 2005

weekend happenings

I have to be honest I would much rather be sleeping than up in the computer lab at LU, working on homework and blogging. The weekend was my b-day, I didn’t do anything too exciting or fun but it was nice to get away from the house and be kid free. –especially after the rough week i had.
Don,me, Ryan, T, and eLiz went up to liz’s rents place in fredricksburg on Friday night. Saturday we drove and rode the metro to DC to FedEx Field where we got to test drive Mazda sports cars and learn a bit about the right way to drive fast and take curves. We also went to grand central station and walked a bit of the National mall.Sunday we visited some Civil War sights, cemeteries and battle grounds. But now on Sunday evening I’m paying the price for my weekend of ease…with studies and work, not to mention the house that needs to be cleaned.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

back of my mind

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now
Today has been a crappy day. A little too rough of a week, with no relief in sight.
So I’m in a bit of self pity. On top of my arm being broken; Caleb is not getting well, school is a little over whelming, the laundry pile in my room is growing. Yet I have no motivation to do anything about it. I have much to be thankful for; helpful sister-in-laws, good people who bring me food, and a good husband who I don’t deserve.
But my complaints include: my need for someone to take care of me; but I’m the one who is supposed to be the care giver. Immature, spoiled people who are unaware of their ignorance and idiotic ways get on my nerves. And the why of why I cannot stay happy satisfied even through the little trials. Oh well guess I’ll have to wait for heaven for that. Guess God is the only true satisfaction; an intangible yet tangible goal that can only be met through God. -ok enough none sense for now...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

what a day...

Well the day started off a pretty good one. The weather has consisted of gorgeous, autumn coolness with the warmth of the sun. The leaves are finally changing colors which make for a beautiful season.
Don & Dave went out to work on the Concord house.
So Sarah Smith, Mr Smith, Ryan, Carmen, along with me and the kids went up to Crab tree falls for a hike. It was the perfect day. I really wished Don could have joined us. With the help of the group, Caleb and Jadyn made it all the way up the trail and all the way down. Quite a feat for a 4 year old! Needless to say the kids where exhausted.
We briefly met the guys out in Concord at the Lintons house. When we got home the kids went right to sleep.
To top the night off we watched the Virginia Tech vs. Miami football game. The game was not going well, but that was not the worst part of the night for me. Don was playing around and jumped over the back of the couch to surprise and sit next to me. When he did he landed on my left arm that was braced against the seat. In that moment I heard two cracks, never a good sound. The pain was awful, but I had hopes it would subside quickly. It did not. Above my wrist was a dip in my arm, like a valley. It was not a pretty sight. Don had hopes it was just sprained or out of socket. I informed him it was not.
We went off to the hospital, a long and painful drive. The hospital took me back quickly, thank God. If I had to wait too long, I’m sure I would have passed out. Luckily, I did not need surgery. Those few hours at the hospital seemed to last forever. Though I was injected with morphine, my arm still ached greatly. We finished watching the game while the dr. set my arm; it was quick and painless. Tech lost.

The worst aspects of it all are:
typing with one hand is slow (so schoolwork now takes longer),
Dealing with the kids & housework is now a real hassle,
I can’t run, do push-ups, or roller abs (so now I’m gonna get out-of shape and fat), &
I can’t drive a stick so no Mazda zoom, zoom for me (I don’t even get the chance to beat Ryan’s time).
On top of all of that, this is really embarrassing, especially cause I have to explain what happened a 1000xs

Friday, November 04, 2005

november blues

november is tough on love

November Rain
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

November Regrets
just because i said goodbye
didnt mean that i wanted you to walk away
and now without a reason why
i awake and find another day
my heart is bleeding in your hands
i hope it stains in your mind
and everynight the moon may come up
but now my stars stay behind
words burned into my memory
those locks i can never change
i'm all stocked up on hopelessness
but despair i think i can arrange
anything of my love
on the wings of a dying dove
just because i said "i love you"
didnt mean that i wanted you to stay
and just because you said i was priceless
doesnt mean that you were willing to pay

The past we seek
Some certainty
The seasons we remember
The light of May...and darkest days
The month we call...November

To leave behind
The wasted time
And every bad decision
...and harder still
Some force of will
To feel we are forgiven

But something stays
So who am I to say
There's nothing more between us
...and I don't know the reasons

Nothing's clear
I've come to no conclusions
Said and done
Is it all said and done?

So here we are
Not very far
From when we said
...and all we have
This restless past
This month we call...

Shoot The Moon
The summer days are gone too soon
You shoot the moon
And miss completely
And now you're left to face the gloom
The empty room that once smelled sweetly
Of all the flowers you plucked if only
You knew the reason
Why you had to each be lonely
Was it just the season?

Now the fall is here again
You can't begin to give in
It's all over

When the snows come rolling through
You're rolling too with some new lover
Will you think of times you've told me
That you knew the reason
Why we had to each be lonely
It was just the season

Thursday, November 03, 2005


here I stand - sad and free
I can't cry and I can't see
what I've done
God. . .what have I done

don't you know I'm numb, man
no I can't feel a thing at all
'cause it's all smiles and business
these days
and I'm indifferent to the loss
I've faith that there's a soul somewhere
who's leading me around
I wonder if she knows
which way is down...which way is up and which is down. . .

I poured my heart out
it evaporated. . .see?

Blind man on a canyon's edge
of a panoramic scene
or maybe I'm a kite

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

all dressed up Posted by Picasa

switchin' roles Posted by Picasa

DAISY Scouts! Posted by Picasa
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